Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Lately I feel like...

have no purpose.
have no drive.
am not giving it my all.
am slow, distracted, and lazy.  
am indecisive and fickle.
am not happy.
work a dead end job.
can't get hired. 
am unsure of my direction.
don't know what I want to do.
think I chose the wrong path.
have nothing to offer.
want to go to sleep and wake up on vacation.

My self-worth is diminished and I need an intervention.

I don't know what it is but my mojo is M.I.A.!  I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and I can't wait to go to sleep at night.  I dread getting off of work because that means there are 5 hours to kill before I can sleep again.  While there is plenty for me to do between working my second job, exercising, chores, and little projects here and there, all I want to do is eat dinner, have a glass of wine, and veg in front of the T.V. until it is too painful to stay awake any longer.  But I push through keeping myself busy and trying to be as productive as I can.

Every day I question what I want to do with my career.  My childhood dreams involved animals and the ocean or kids and art.  Now, I feel as if I've settled for a career in business and office management just because it is easy.  But it doesn't feel like this is my purpose.  

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to plan and organize and some people think I'm bossy.  Natural characteristics for management, right?

But I like to be creative!  And don't want to sit at a desk entering data and shuffling paper.  I said in my bio section that I love to plan and organize but don't like to "do."  Well this is so true!  I would much rather be putting things together, analyzing procedures and layouts for efficiency, piecing puzzles together, thinking of ways that things can be the best and also that everyone will be happy along the way.  Everything has to look good, too.  

So what the hell am I supposed to be doing?  And how the hell do I get there?

I want to wake up and know I get to go out into the world, use my creativity, and make someone's life a little easier and a lot more pleasant.

Maybe Classy Closets is hiring. 

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post - I'm really in a FUNK!


  1. You spend 80% of your time at work so it would seem that you need to be jumping for joy every time you walk in the door. In my opinion, while this is true and you don't want to be miserable, it is mostly about the time outside of work that matters. The relationships you keep, the memories you create.

    Work isn't every thing and, though I have been struggling with this myself, it shouldn't determine your happiness. Just remember when you fall ill your family and friends will be by your bedside recalling wonderful memories and your job will replace you.

    Also, it won't say anything on your tombstone about what you did for a living or how much money you made. It will say you were a loving wife, daughter and friend.

    Just a thought :-)

  2. Welcome to Sara's World. I have complimentary beverages and pretzel rods on the table to your right. ;)

    You need to become a professional organizer. I'm serious. You would love that and you would excel at it. Plus it'd be like playing all of the time!!

  3. I was worried that this would come across as I am not happy with my life period. This is NOT the case. What this is (probably combined with a little bit of PMS) is that I can feel the pendulum swing of change and since I am in a transition period, I am reflecting on if I am making the right choices for my career.

    Erin, you are so right that what is remembered is rarely ever our career but I think it is super important that I don't stay stuck in a position/job/field that diminishes me. I used to be so much more of a pleasant person and I think I'm crabby all the time now. When I spend 80% of my time somewhere, I want to be able to enjoy what I'm doing. I'm only here once and I don't want to waste that on a stressful, dead end, anti-climactic job.

    Sara, you're a genius! I actually started researching how to go about being a professional organizer a while back! Years ago I even coined my motto/company name - "Morganize!" haha Maybe it's time to seriously look into it!

  4. No, I completely agree and I thought I expressed that clearly in my comment. You don't want to feel as though it is diminishing you AT ALL. Just saying don't let it determine your happiness as a whole.