have no purpose.
have no drive.
am not giving it my all.
am slow, distracted, and lazy.
am indecisive and fickle.
am not happy.
work a dead end job.can't get hired.
am unsure of my direction.
don't know what I want to do.
think I chose the wrong path.
have nothing to offer.
want to go to sleep and wake up on vacation.
My self-worth is diminished and I need an intervention.
I don't know what it is but my mojo is M.I.A.! I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and I can't wait to go to sleep at night. I dread getting off of work because that means there are 5 hours to kill before I can sleep again. While there is plenty for me to do between working my second job, exercising, chores, and little projects here and there, all I want to do is eat dinner, have a glass of wine, and veg in front of the T.V. until it is too painful to stay awake any longer. But I push through keeping myself busy and trying to be as productive as I can.
Every day I question what I want to do with my career. My childhood dreams involved animals and the ocean or kids and art. Now, I feel as if I've settled for a career in business and office management just because it is easy. But it doesn't feel like this is my purpose.
Anyone who knows me knows that I love to plan and organize and some people think I'm bossy. Natural characteristics for management, right?
But I like to be creative! And don't want to sit at a desk entering data and shuffling paper. I said in my bio section that I love to plan and organize but don't like to "do." Well this is so true! I would much rather be putting things together, analyzing procedures and layouts for efficiency, piecing puzzles together, thinking of ways that things can be the best and also that everyone will be happy along the way. Everything has to look good, too.
So what the hell am I supposed to be doing? And how the hell do I get there?
I want to wake up and know I get to go out into the world, use my creativity, and make someone's life a little easier and a lot more pleasant.
Maybe Classy Closets is hiring.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer post - I'm really in a FUNK!